Domestic Violence Awareness: Your Assertiveness Rights

Your Assertiveness Rights

1. You have the right not to be abused.
2. You have the right to be angry over past abuse.
3. You have the right to choose to change the situation.
4. You have the right to be free from fear of abuse.
5. You have the right to request and expect assistance from police and social service agencies.
6. You have the right to share your feelings and not be isolated from others.
7. You have the right to to be treated like an adult.
8. You have the right to leave an abusive environment.
9. You have the right to privacy.
10. You have the right to express your own thoughts and feelings
11. You have the right to develop your own individual talents and abilities.
12. You have the right to legally prosecute the partner who is abusing you.
13. You have the right not to be perfect.

Last year, I took a critical step in my personal life by ending a toxic and oftentimes abusive relationship. I had no money. I was working 20 hours a week on work-study. My car was on it's last leg. I felt like I had no one and nowhere to go. I made a phone call after the last encounter. I packed my things, and I left. My car was filled to the brim from the trunk to the passengers seat except for the space where my son's car seat was sitting. After I made the trip to pick my son up, I went to the thrift shop to pick up some professional attire (I had a job interview the next day). Then I headed to the shelter.

I was devastated. I was confused, and I was hurt. I felt that I was doing almost everything right in life and in my relationship! How could I have ended up here?!?! I made the decision to leave him and keep moving forward with my life. I went to that job interview with confidence. I didn't get the job, but I was proud of myself for continuing to live despite my emotional state. I finished my last summer semester of undergrad, and I came back to my hometown. My car died on me about 3 months after I arrived. I graduated in December 2013 with my Bachelor of Science of Finance!

Take a look at the list above. These are our rights as human beings. These are things that should not be compromised for "love," but so often they are. I deprived myself of myself for so long that I had all but shriveled up and died inside. I didn't do anything that I liked to do because his demands and insecurities were deemed greater. I never went out and experienced undergrad life on campus. I didn't do any of the things normal coeds do. There was very little of me left except for a small spark. When I left him, when I made the decision that I and my child were worth more, the spark became a small flame. The more I move forward in my life, the more the flame grows. Never let another person's wants, needs, or demands snub you out. A relationship should not strip either party of their joy.

Take charge of your life. Utilize your assertiveness rights. Don't stand for abuse. You deserve to live life freely and fully. If you are in a domestic violence situation, you DO NOT have to stay. There is help no matter what your situation is. Please dial 211 and someone will be able to get you and any children involved to the resources that you need to get out safely.